Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Don't take the brown fudge, man.

Im ba-ack.
Gee whiz, trust the biggest bad-science / AGW story of the millenium to break just while I'm in lock down for end of year exams. So many snide comments I didn't get to make!
I have also have been avidly following the amazing events taking place in the Australian political sphere, the turmoil in the Liberal party and the subsequent election to the leadership of Tony Abbott. Well, f*ck me drunk and bury me pregnant! This is a man who I would personally like to kick in the whotsits for the way he suppressed the introduction of mefipristone (RU-486) to Australia while he was the former health minister, forcing women who wanted an abortion to have to have their insides surgically scraped out or dice with taking methotrexate for a dodgy, obsolete-everywhere-else-in-the-world medical option. Prick. And yet I am actually well glad he is the new leader of the opposition in the senate. Couldn't be more chuffed. Doesn't climate skepticism make strange bed-fellows of us all, huh. Interestingly enough, I may even find myself in a position where I will feel compelled to vote for him as the future leader of our nation. Conflicted, much.

I have many new posts planned, but since having a break from blogging I will have to re-orient myself to the direction of this blog. (When you work out what it is, let me know...)

In the meantime, here is something I recently came across that I thought was amusing:

John O'Sullivan Says: after publication. -->December 1st, 2009 at 6:53 am
The medical profession has confirmed that a poison contained in a United Nations variant of fudge was the cause of a debilitating brain disease among scientists, now termed Climate Wars Syndrome (CWS).
The disease was secretly suspected by sceptical scientists to have spread rapaciously among the scientific community for two decades and to have taken a terrible grip over the reasoning powers of many. Victims can be identified by their green and alarmist complexion. Other side effects include an irrational hatred of mankind and a Tourette syndrome-like verbal abuse of anyone who uses fossil fuels. Threats of violence may occur. The world first learned of these sensational developments from the Internet on Friday November 20th 2009. The story broke that both the underlying cause of CWS and an effective treatment had been discovered by the due diligence of one man working at the UK’s Climate Research Unit (CRU). A vast community of Internet surfers soon memorialised these profound events by naming them, ‘Climategate.’
From leaked documents we understand that the catalyst for this epoch change in science occurred when a climatologist and self-taught computer programmer known only as ‘Harry’ was sat at his laboratory computer chewing on some fudge. Only after three long years working on this problem and in a sudden eureka moment, did it finally dawn on him. In Harry’s hands was the cause of brain fog mystery.
“F**k! It’s the fudge! It’s serial!” he cried.
Inadvertently, Harry has become the hero the public associate with solving one of the great mysteries of modern science. Since those findings have appeared on the Internet the world has quickly accepted that it was the UN’s foul fudge that caused scientists to suffer this dreadful disease.
Meanwhile, epidemiologists and clinicians have been quick to identify the hallucinagenic properties of the offending fudge to further unravel the mystery. Incredibly, the fudge has been found to contain a psychotropic substance that acts primarily upon the central nervous system where it alters brain function, resulting in changes in perception, mood, consciousness and behavior leading patients to feel delusions of grandeur and a sense of spiritual purpose in their lives.
It appears lone-wolf Harry, wiling away his time in the CRU laboratory subliminally faced the truth and by a process of ‘cognitive dissonance,’ shocked himself out of the effects of the psychotropic intoxicant, a drug now known to cause the hallucinogenic appearance of a mythical beast known as, ‘Man-Bear-Pig’ (MBP). Other experts who have replicated Harry’s experiments confirm the efficacy of the cognitive dissonance reasoning process as a cure. Apparently, most recovering ‘addicts’ (for this fudge-eating was clearly an addiction) soon notice a change starting with improvements in the appearance of their eyes which lose their tainted green colouration.
Other convalescing climatologists, that body of scientists identified as the worst fudge sufferers, are reporting the same side effects as Harry. Symptoms include anxiety, guilt, shame, anger, embarrassment, stress, and other negative emotional states that torment the patient. Epidemiologists have coined the name ’Climate War Syndrome’ (CWS) to describe the fudge-induced malady. Both ‘Climategate’ and ’Climate War Syndrome’ (CWS) have fast entered common usage giving a new handle on what was one of the great mysteries of our time.
Of course, like any serious disease, there will always be patients who won’t respond well to treatment. Those worst cases permeated with the deepest shade of green are believed to be James Hansen, Michael ‘upside down’ Mann and Phil Jones whom, its feared, may all need to be quarantined in isolation for several years

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